notes to self

I wanted to do it. I did it. And it was a mistake. Now just wait. Hopefully there won't be a regret.

04:15 p.m. Finished Organizational Behavior (OB) class. Rain cats and dogs. Trapped in the hall. No can go anywhere but toilet. People are sitting. Laughing. Surfing the net with their notebooks. And their PDAs. [I haven't brought my powerbook yet, to try the hotspot here... Mine will be too kinky...] Pretty girls and boys with their thick glasses are reading their books. Bored. And the things I have to do, now seem like a whole lots heavy stuff which I barely think I can do on time. Need to edit my OB paper. Find a case and write an analysis for International Economics class. Prepare for english presentation about terrorism (what a penalty!) Do my Microsoft Excel homework and get ready for the test (I don't know why must be "Microsoft". No other things else on this earth?) I am just about to mutiny...

You expect nothing on earth. You're growing like others... One thing you believe to do to stop the process is kill yourself. But for fuck sake, you do need better reason to commit suicide. Those around you are turning to be your foes... Know what to do when everything.. everyone is against you? Find some new friends to completely get rid of all your foes! You knew me. Now you don't. One last thing to do is ally experience with someone's skill. Have everyone desires you.

Aren't they so sexy? [Vespa LX150] [Piaggio Liberty 125] Fall into LX150...

I grew up in a fundamentalist family. I spent my 13 years in Catholic schools... Playgroup, elementary school, junior and senior high school. Currently, I am studying Economics at Duta Wacana Christian University (DWCU). (I am not being fanatic... I was sent to those Catholic school for they're the best in every aspect. I chose to study at DWCU, well... apart from my failure, that I didn't make it to Gajah Mada University, DWCU is in the central part of the city...) What happened? I am Buddhist -now-... (if I have to have a religion). I am not a Freudian. But I know that its true that good believers have neurosis. I meet few already... I am more to Nietzsche since my first year in Jogja. An existentialist, nihilist, but unlike him, I am not unavoidably atheist. When you live in Indonesia, you gotta have a religion. Don't ask me why! Stupid thing which need some space on your ID card to show that you are not loveless? So, Buddhism is just perfect as what I know is they don...

So last night I decided and went to Hugos with some friends... Needed to see the party. It was full of students. Saw some I've known... Who were/are in same class(es) with me... And who used to hang out with me. Too crowded, so right after I got my second glass, I went home. It was 2 a.m. Now I am already up. Have to be in Intl Economy class at 7.30 a.m. Bloody sleepy.

This is funny. Or not at all. I think what people want to see when they're in Jogja is the Borobudur temple (thanks that we're not in the same level). But anyway, it always be me who accompany them. Here are some pics when my friends paid a visit. On the go, Pocai and Dony had a fight how close is Kaliurang from Borobudur.. Kiki, couldn't help. Eager to pose :D Pokar, Kiki, Dony and me. No smoking! In Paris (Parangtritis beach) at last.

God, this is really upside down! So fucking mad... I grew up in the east side of Indonesia where people talk loudly, rough and violent. But... I live in Jogja where people behave their selves, speak in a good way, without much noise... Sometimes its so stressful when it happens that your friends whom grew up with you in that rural area are now spend their holiday in the place where you live... Totally causes a bad bad mood! I like to go out with them for some fun... But I don't think we can be a good room mate... I should die on the day five! What I need now is an earplug. I need some quiet moments... Hmmm but I might be a little bit overreacting because things don't go they way I plan. We plan. We are supposed to go and have some fun at Hugos cafe tonight. We were there. But no letting us in. Some of us were wearing sandals. And no matter how bloody expensive the sandals are, they are just sandals. They are not shoes. Need to wear shoes to get in... And now I am just lying in ...

When did I meet my friends (they're kind of friends who share almost everything so far, those who play and learn and fight and cheat and mean since still 5 years old)? Its been ages... Now they're in Jogja. Since the few last fasting days til now. All in our plan is play playstations and cards, go to shopping malls and pools (both swim and balls), watch dvds, go to tourist places, sleep late, wake up late, try to postpone laundry time... All about having fun. At first that's cool. Good to be a super lazy boy. But later... Its just not my patern. I need to do some serious things too! Some serious shopping... :) Nah, I just need to get back to the real world... I need to do something. Go to campus... Or learn something else instead give my brain days off. But maybe I just need some changes. Tomorrow the cafes, pubs, karaoke bars are open. So... Who knows... Back to campus or... Step into the club.